The Threshold of Darkness
by August G
Summary: Ken Ichijouji's worst fear has been confirmed: he is alone, vulnerable to the world and it's surroundings..Friendship plays a vital role in this depressing story. New Chapter updated!
1. Prologue: The Darkness within Ken

Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon. A/N: Hi! This chapter is going to be a short little prologue that gives background information about the darkness going on in Ken's life. Enjoy. Please R/R/! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------- Prologue: The Threshold of Darkness.  
  
As each day passed, as time went on, Ken Ichijouji found it harder and harder to ignore what he had been feeling for a long time. He sat in his room and looked outside his bleak little window to what was taking place outside: Children were playing in the park, playfully laughing as they ran around consuming the sweet, fresh air. Teenage boys were holding hands with their girlfriends, as they took a brisk walk in the park. Ken suddenly turned away from this vision of what his life had used to be, and looking at his own reflection, silently wondered what he couldn't figure out. What is wrong with me?  
There had been a time when Ken remembered true happiness. It was the time when...distant memories flooded Ken's mind as he wondered if he had ever been truly happy. Well, that happiness was no more. For now Ken's life was so full of pain and sadness and loneliness...he was nearing the breaking point. He wanted to kill himself, or run away, anything that would prevent him from waking up with this terrible depression consuming him day by day. He had dreams, nightmares, that sometimes left him curled up alone in the middle of the night, crying, vulnerable to the world and his surroundings. These dreams consisted of a single dark fortress in which Ken would run to. The powerful, eerie voice would trap Ken all around, telling Ken that he was worthless, that Sam died because of him, that no one wanted him..He was better off dead... "NOOOO!" Ken had awoken with a start, shaking and crying uncontrollably. He hated being alone. He was tired of the grief consuming him and preventing him from living a normal life. Ken didn't want to hurt himself, for he was scared of death, and the pain it might cause the people around him, if any. He...he wanted only one thing. "Please..I'm sick of being alone. I feel so weak..p-please...I need a friend.." At that last statement, Ken passed out, overwhelmed with fear. To be continued.  
  
A/N: That's it! Hope you enjoyed it! Please R/R! 


	2. A Plea for Help

Disclaimer: Unfortunately for me, I do not own digimon. For if I did, Digimon Season 1 and 2 would still be showing on tv! However, I must accept my limitations and write these fanfics instead.  
  
A/N: Hello again. This chapter mainly concerns with Ken's past and his plea for help from the Darkness. More Darkness and manipulation to come. Anyway, please, R/R! Thanks!  
  
-August  
  
Chapter 2: A Plea for Help  
  
All I want is a friend. P-please send me a friend.  
  
Ken thought about these words over and over as he walked to Taichi's house for a Digi-Destined meeting. What force had come over him last night? Why did he suddenly feel friendless? "Ken, stop it," he told himself angrily, "Of course you've got friends- you've got great friends." But the more he thought about it, the more he realized that he was a mere outsider in the group. Of course, the others had forgiven him for his evil deeds that he had commited as the Kaiser, but did that make everything right? Sure, the others, especially Daisuke, were really nice and supportive of him now- but did that make them friends? Or did the others tolerate him because he bore a Digi-Destined crest? The more he thought about this, the more he realized that it was true- he was friendless.  
  
There was a new fear in him now, a fear of vulnerability, as he walked quickly the remaining blocks down the long street to Taichi's house. He felt as though he was being followed. He felt like a friendless child would feel- hopeless. This sudden paranoia drove Ken to break into a run. No matter what, he couldn't escape it. He couldn't escape the awful feeling of what the darkness was doing to him, consuming up all of his insecurities and turning them against him. It's not fair, it's not fair, why me? Tears slowly rolled down his cheeks as he slowed his steps and descended to go up the stairs to the apartment. He reached the apartment and suddenly, without knocking, he opened the door and collapsed.  
  
"Ken, Ken, are you alright?"  
  
He suddenly opened his eyes to find that there were eight pairs of eyes staring at him. Davis, leaning down earnestly, looked frightened at his friends' state of being on the floor.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine, just a little shook up I guess.." Ken trailed off.  
  
The digi-destined gave concerning glances towards each other, as Davis helped Ken off of the floor and onto the couch. "Okay, now that everyone is here, I think we need to discuss a plan to stop Oikawa from destroying those little children," started Tai, the former leader of the group. Tai then rambled on a bit about why it was necessary beforehand to warn children of Oikawa's future plans, to place a dark spore in their neck, making them slaves to the darkness, feeding on their insecurities. Just like he had done to Ken..  
  
But Ken was barely listening to this premeditated speech. He had, once again, dozed off, only to have another nightmare.  
  
*Flashback*: Ken was running, running away from someone. The farther he ran, the darker the nighttime sky became. He ran down a backturn alley, hoping to lose whatever it was that was following him. Too late. He was trapped against a brick wall, as the dark figure came toward him.  
  
"Ken."  
  
The figure had enclosed him all around, and had placed something painful in the back of his neck.  
  
"May the dark spore consume you and show how vulnerable you really are Ken, you worthless piece of trash."  
  
"Nooo." Ken pleaded *End Flashback*  
  
Ken awoke with a start only to find yet again, the same eight pairs of eyes looking keenly down at him, frightened for his life.  
  
He felt a hand on his shoulder. Looking up, he saw Davis, eyes shining, holding back tears. Davis said, "K-Ken. Tell us what's wrong. I-I don't like seeing you like this. I want to help you."  
  
"What a-are you talking about?" asked Ken, with a look of fear on his face.  
  
"I-I've seen you. You don't eat. You look tired all the time. Your parents have told me that they h-hear you screaming in the darkness, at night. Nightmares. What is it Ken? Is it the darkness? Please tell me Ken. S-share the load..I want to kelp you."  
  
Ken found to his surprise that there were tears on his face and his hands had turned cold. Sweat dripped from his forehead. His cerulean eyes had turn cold as he realized the truth about Davis. They're all out to get me. Overcome with shame and embarrassment, Ken turned away from them regretfully. "It's nothing!", he snarled. "Stop trying to act like you care. I don't need you, any of you! Leave me alone!", he pleaded. And with that, he leaped off the couch and ran out the door, leaving a cloud of dust in the wind.  
  
Davis watched him run out the door and run from confronting what was wrong. "Ken, no, don't leave," he shouted. Confused and bewildered, Davis sat on the ground, his face buried in his hands sobbing.  
  
The others watched sympathetically as Davis continued to sob, and watched as his sadness had become anger. "I'm going to go after him."  
  
But, as brave and determined as Davis sounded, in the depths of his heart, he knew he could not save Ken. For as those of us who have gone through this kind of pain know, experience counts. The only person who could save Ken now was the only person who had ever gone through this type of darkness and knows what Ken is feeling, because he remembers feeling the same way at one time. He has experienced loneliness and sadness, and even knows the power of the darkness, because it nearly destroyed him in the end. Saving Ken was beyond Davis's reach now, there was only one person among the group that could save him. This person has the power to befriend Ken and give him hope, and together they could fight and defeat the darkness, once and for all.  
  
A sudden voice rose from the back corner in the room. "You don't know what the darkness did to him, what it's still doing to him."  
  
All the other digidestined turned to the voice, desperate for answers about their friend's condition. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------- All I want is a friend. P-please send me a friend.  
  
To be continued..  
  
A/N: Hey! Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Sorry the ending was sort of confusing, I tried to make it clear without giving it away. Can you guess who that person is? Well, I'm not going to give it away (read the story to find out) but (*hint,hint*) friendship is a very important theme throughout this story. I'll have the next chapter up in a day or two, so keep reading, and remember, reviews are always welcome! Thanks, August 


	3. Distant Memories of Darkness

Disclaimer: Once again, I do not own digimon. (  
  
A/N: Hello again. Happy New Year's to all! Thanks to all who read and/or reviewed my story. It means so much, and I really appreciate it. I know my story isn't the best it could be, but I think that's because I'm a new fanfic writer, and at first I had no idea what to expect, so I just wrote the first thing that popped into my mind. Anyway, I promise that you won't regret reading these next few chapters because I am really going to try my hardest and make them excellent! So thanks again.  
  
Okay, this chapter provides some input about what the darkness and living in fear can do to one's life. (I think many of you will be surprised (or maybe not) to see that you guessed correctly!)  
  
Chapter 3: Distant Memories of Darkness  
  
Suddenly, a voice rose from a distant corner.  
  
"You guys- you guys have no idea what Ken is going through right now. He-he can't make it out alone. He- he needs a friend."  
  
The voice of Yamato Ishida caused the rest of them to turn around in awe. Matt had always been the quiet, lone wolf in the group. So cold and aloof with those cerulean eyes.. And yet, the face they saw before them looked anxious and worried, so they listened to what he had to say as he began to speak again.  
  
"You guys- the darkness- I've been there..I know what he's going through.  
  
This shocked most of the Digi-destined with the exception of a few- mainly Tai and Sora.  
  
Davis looked up at the former bearer of friendship with concern. "Matt, w- what are you talking about?"  
  
"T-there's something that you don't know about me. I-I was in the same position Ken is in right now. A victim of the darkness. I hated to be alone..it hurt so bad. I'm sorry..I was too ashamed to tell anyone of my weaknesses..I'm so sorry," he broke off, unable to look at any of them.  
  
Izzy spoke up quietly, "Hey Matt, it's okay, we understand. But I- when did all of this take place?"  
  
Struggling not to cry, Matt said weakly, "If you really want to know, I'll tell you. You're going to have to understand my, um, situation if you want to help Ken." Taking a deep breath, he said "Okay, here goes:  
  
"Well I'm sure most of you don't know this, but I blamed myself for my parent's divorce. I just figured the reason why they split up was because of me- because I had done something wrong. I mean, they were constantly fighting..and.. I guess I was pretty stupid to think I was the reason." He stopped and remained quiet for a few seconds then continued. "I suppose that guilt still resides within me today.. Anyway, summer camp. I just had one task to fulfill: watch over my little brother. And especially after we landed in the Digital World, I only wanted to make sure that T.K. was safe. Soon after, we all began to receive our crests, mine of which was Friendship. As time went on, I became more watchful and observant of others around me, and soon I became convinced that you- one of you- was out to get me. As situations became more dangerous, I was extraordinarily protective of T.K., who was now starting to grow up, and handle himself, he didn't need me anymore. But I was too blind to see that." He stopped again and gave T.K. a wry smile before continuing. "I-I felt useless after that, my brother didn't need me anymore. I felt like no one needed or wanted me around.  
  
Shocked looks of horror were shown on all of the original Digi-Destined faces. No one said a word for a while.  
  
"You may remember a time when we were battling Puppetmon, when I just mysteriously walked out of the group. I was very confused about my role in the group. Everyone was becoming more stronger, more confident, while I remained the same, unchanging person that I was. And I was feeling very confused about my crest. Why friendship, of all things? I wasn't capable of being a friend, much less having one. Why was I the one given the crest of friendship?"  
  
"These thoughts lingered with me, and soon Gabumon and I arrived at a forest. There, we found Cherrymon, who told me that the only way I could have all those questions answered and become my true self- was if I defeated my enemy." Matt cast a glance at Tai. "It was T-Tai. I h-had to defeat him. I was overcome with darkness, I couldn't think straight. So I gave in. And sometime after that, Tai and I fought. I nearly did destroy Tai- and myself in the process." Matt again glanced at Tai. "I'm so sorry Tai." He started to shake, and soon tears that hadn't been shed in some time slowly flowed down his cheeks from his cerulean eyes.  
  
Gently, Tai put one arm around his best friend. "Hey, it's okay Matt- I-I'm here for you now."  
  
Matt continued, "Fighting Tai was nearly not enough for me. I again became concerned with my role in the group when my crest wouldn't activate, dis- allowing Gabumon to evolve to the next level. So again, I ran off. I was convinced that I was alone, that no one could understand what I was going through. It was then when darkness consumed me. The Darkness fed on every one of my insecurities- from my paining guilt about my parent's divorce, to hurt and rejection from finally realizing that my little brother didn't need me anymore, to my anger with Tai about the decisions he made for the group, to my concern about my crest of friendship and what role I played in this difficult journey."  
  
"All those complex emotions dwelled inside me just started to spill out, but I couldn't get emotional. I refused to let anyone see me cry, to see my weaknesses. But I guess the ironic part about that was, really, all I wanted to do was cry."  
  
Matt was crying now as he slowly slid down the wall, and buried his face in his hands. "I hate being alone."  
  
No one said a word for quite a long time until Matt regained his strength to speak. As Tai helped him up, Matt said hoarsely, "The wound of the darkness never really healed for me. I still feel it's presence, residing in me day by day. Somedays I feel worthless, alone; other days, not quite as bad. But, you see, that's why I need to go help Ken. I can feel what he's going through, I can help him see through it. I know now why I was given the crest of friendship. To be there for those who really need a friend."  
  
He looked at all of them, pleading. "P-please- let me go."  
  
After some time, Davis stood up and clasped one hand on Matt's shoulder. "Go Matt. Bring him back. Let him know he still has friends-he still has me. Do everything you can- just don't give up," Davis said quietly.  
  
Matt glanced around at the others as Tai walked him to the door. His final gaze rested upon Davis, who was sitting in a dark corner, quietly sobbing over his best friend.  
  
Matt walked outside with Tai and turned to face the brown-headed boy. Quietly, he said "Tai, I am so s-sorry for all I've put you through. Thank you so much for being there for me..It means a lot. I love you man." Tai smiled, and responded "I know, I understand how hard this must be for you Matt. But I know you can do it. I'll watch over Davis. You take care of Ken, and bring him back to us." Matt, overcome with emotion, could not say a word. He simply gave Tai a brief hug and a soft look before descending down the stairs to find Ken. Tai understood. The bond between them was unbreakable.  
  
Let's hope we can say the same for Davis and Ken.  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: Hey! That's the end of this chapter, hope you liked it! Next chapter, I'm afraid will be shorter, it's going to follow the path of Ken, and where he runs off to. The Darkness has taken him. More manipulation and violence to come.Let's just hope Matt can handle it. Anyway, thanks! The next chapter should be up in a few days. Bye!  
  
-August 


	4. Escape

A/N: Welcome back! Thanks for deciding to continue this story. Sorry it took so long, but I've been pretty busy with school and all that. Anyway, I've slowly been working hard, especially on this chapter, trying to perfect it in every possible way and hopefully to cure my writer's block. So that's it! Thanks, and please review! (  
  
For this chapter, I decided to flash back a bit, to the part where Ken runs out the door. This chapter will center around Ken, but be warned: there is some self-manipulation involved.  
  
Disclaimer: Once again, I do not own Digimon.  
  
{Flashback}: A look of panic crossed Ken's face. He quietly stared at Davis's outstretched hand, a similar look of terror upon his face. Davis was pleading to Ken, trying to get through to him, but Ken paid no attention to his friend's words. The walls seemed to enclose around him as he tried to escape the Digi-destined's attempts to help him. Only one thought crossed his mind: They're all out to get me. His cerulean eyes turned cold as he struggled to get up and leave. He stood up, muttered something snappish, and was gone {End Flashback}  
  
Ken fled down the stairs hurriedly. Thinking the other Digi-destined might try and come after him, he took a quick shortcut that allowed him safe passage out of the apartment building and onto the street.  
  
He was alone. He had no idea where to go. Paranoia consumed him as he watched the many faces on the crowded street brush past him in a fast pace. Alarmed, he jumped out of the way, shaking with fear. His instincts told him to do one thing: Run.  
  
He started to run. He had no idea where he was going. He just kept running. Running away from everything. He wouldn't—he couldn't—he could never go back. He couldn't think. He just kept running. He nearly got hit by a car that was speeding toward him, lucky for him, the driver had slammed on his brakes just in time. But even that didn't stop Ken. He stood back up and continued to run.  
  
It's sad to say, but that day, Ken Ichijouji ran away from all of his problems. All the pain, all the anguish, all the suffering he had caused, he didn't want to face it anymore. He didn't want to face anything anymore.  
  
Unshed tears were now being exposed on the young boy's face. He suddenly stopped for a moment to catch his breath, and as he did, he looked around him. He had no memory of where he was. The people in the crowds—who were they? Frightened, Ken began to search, trying to remember. His face still wet with tears, Ken abandoned his search and found an alley. As he turned the dark corner, he began to wonder, wondering if he was to blame for everything. In the dark alleyway, Ken found a small gray blanket. He slid down the wall and started to cry. He cried for himself mostly, crying for his loneliness, and cried for the darkness that consumed him. Tears blinded his vision, as he silently prayed for a way out. Never in his life had he felt so alone. And once again, he blamed himself.  
  
"What do I do now? Where do I go?", he quietly asked himself. And seeing that he had no answers for those questions, he silently began to think. Why had he felt so depressed in the first place? He was, after all, a boy genius was he not? Didn't all the hopeful girls swoon over him and try to hide their disappointment when they witnessed his rejection? And then—as he looked back over his life, he suddenly remembered. Sam.  
  
{Flashback}:  
  
Ken's older brother Sam was the quintessence of the perfect boy. Not only was he a genius, he was a master soccer player, and had moves that were out of this world. Ken was younger then, watching intently as Sam taught him how to blow bubbles. It was a peaceful evening, and the two were outside. Sam was trying to teach Ken how to blow bubbles. Poor Ken wasn't doing so well. "No, Ken, that's not it!", shouted Sam. "You're blowing too hard. You have to be gentle, like this, see" Sam gently blew a round bubble. Ken, wide-eyed, said softly, "Sam, I wish I could be like you. You're the greatest."  
  
{End Flashback}  
  
Ken eventually did become Sam. For right after Sam's traumatic death, Ken's parents found it difficult to function without their eldest son. They pushed Ken to take upon the role of their eldest son. Ken began to take upon his brother's interests and hobbies, and overlooked his own. He felt that it was the least he could do; he was, after all, partly responsible for Sam's death. He was the one who had wished Sam dead.  
  
Ken became the famous "boy genius". He was the professional in soccer. The girls all sighed in awe because of him. They didn't even mind his rejections; for they kept coming back day after day. Ken had the perfect life. Or so it seemed. For Ken Ichijouji was also living another life as the Digimon Emperor of the Digital World. There, Ken did as he pleased, taking his anger and resentment towards life on the Digimon he controlled and manipulated. For a while it seemed that Ken's secret life was under wraps. Until one day when five digi-destined came into the Digital World and destroyed his secret. They exposed his identity and his pride. But the biggest shock of all came when they began to realize that he too, like them, was one of the Digi-destined.  
  
Life after that had been difficult. Ken finally began to realize that the pain he was causing his digimon was real, and it took the reality of losing Wormmon for Ken to change. Trust became a big issue after Ken's transformation; for the other five children except were lingering with the memories of how Ken, as the Digimon Emperor, proceeded to harm their digimon. Davis Motomiya seemed to be the only one who recognized true changes in Ken. He began to befriend the boy, eventually to the point where he (Davis) began to break down those walls that Ken had built inside of him long ago.  
  
The boy who held the Crest of Kindness inside of him began to shake against a brick wall in the alley. Huddled under the blanket, he allowed tears to consume him once more as distant memories flooded his brain. He thought back to a few hours beforehand, when Davis offered him his hand, and he refused. He thought about all the times Davis had been a friend to him, even when it seemed as though Ken was friendless. What was it that Ken possessed, that made Davis want to become his friend?  
  
The empty dark alley in which Ken laid in became increasingly darker, and unbeknownst to Ken, the alley suddenly began to resemble a familiar dark cave which began to settle around Ken, in his mind and heart. He began to feel immensely sorry for himself, as he frantically searched for an object to rid him of his pain. His hands came up with nothing until finally, in a dark corner, he found a clothes hanger. It's sharp pointy edge seemed to scream at Ken, that it was the answer to all Ken's problems. Ken eventually gave in to—whatever that was driving him to do it. Silent tears fled down his face as he placed the sharp edge upon his wrist. He drove it into his wrist so intently. He wanted to feel the pain, he wanted to feel something.  
  
Ken awoke suddenly, only to find that he was staring the empty space of darkness which consumed him. He sighed deeply and fell back asleep.  
  
The next time Ken awoke, it was to the strange singing sound of—birds? He hadn't wanted to awake so soon, but the desire to follow and listen to the beautiful sound was much too great. He groggily got to his feet, and began to brush the dust off of his clothes. He saw that he had a couple of scars on his wrist, but strangely, he couldn't seem to remember how they had gotten there. He walked out of the alley and followed a long path down hill that led to an ocean. The gray birds guided him along, their singing so enticing he felt as if he had no choice.  
  
There was a strange sense of nostalgia Ken had felt for this place. For a while, it had seemed like his home, where he belonged. But there was something so beautiful and so terrible for this place, something Ken struggled to remember. Ken had a sudden urge to go back and hide, and at the same time, he felt compelled to stay where he was. Maybe, he could find answers to his questions.  
  
Out of nowhere it seemed, a woman and a pair of digimon stepped out in front of him. The woman said suddenly, "Come, Ken Ichijouji. We know what you questions you have, and the answers you seek. Come."  
  
Ken bowed his head and allowed himself to succumb to the woman's wishes. He followed her into the strange place, dazed, as he felt his happiness and hopeful wishes all drained from inside him. He felt trapped. After a couple of minutes, Ken finally remembered this place, for he had visited it once before.  
  
The Dark Ocean.  
  
To be continued. . .  
  
A/N: Well, this is where this chapter stops, but soon, I promise you, another one will begin. In the meantime, please review! I really want all the angles of this story to finally come together. More darker elements to come. Thanks again!  
  
- August 


End file.
